


White Tulips and Black Glasses

by orphan_account



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: :(, Alternate Universe, Angst, Death, Depression, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak Needs A Hug, Eddie wears richies shirt, Eddie writes, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I cried writing this, I suck at tagging, M/M, MEANTIONS OF SUICIDE GIANT TW, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sad, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, based on a tik tok, but like we still see him, greiving, he gets one :), i dont want yall to be sad, richie dies sorry :/, sad eddie kaspbrack, sad losers club, srsly dont read it if you dont like death, they have a picnic tho, “what if?”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What if Richie died during their first fight with it; Saving the others from It’s claws?Based on a Tik Tok made by the very talented @pan.does.cos published on 6-19-20The concept is hers, I just added a few things to write the story how i pictured :)
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris, mike hanlon/happiness
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	White Tulips and Black Glasses

**Author's Note:**

> I know I’m gonna cry writing this :,)  
> Once again the concept is based on a Tik Tok made by @pan.does.cos please go check her out she is amazing.

“NO NO WE CAN’T LEAVE HIM NO!” Eddie cried at the hand pulling him away. He didn’t know whose hand it was, he didn’t care. That fucking idiot. He saved him. Richie saved him and it cost him his goddamn life. He jumped in front of Eddie just as It would’ve pierced through his heart with It’s terrifying werewolf claws, getting himself pierced through his sternum. Once the losers saw what It had done to their friend- no thier brother, they showed It no mercy. It was dead. For now, at least. 

Now, Eddie was covered in Richie’s blood, trying to hug his best friend of 10 years one last time. Whoever’s hand was grabbing his wrist loosened their grib just enough for Eddie to slip away for a second. He ran to Richie, engulfing him in one last hug, not giving a shit about the blood getting on his shirt. He broke down, sobbing against Richie’s limp form as Bill and Mike pulled him up off of Richie, one of them on each shoulder, leading him towards the well. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Stan slip off Richie’s glasses, using his fingers to gently close Richie’s eyes. Once he put Richie’s hands on his chest, he followed the rest of the losers out of the sewers, tears streaming silently down his bloody face. 

Eddie felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. He had one last thought before succumbing to the darkness: I need my inhaler.

***

Several hours later, Eddie woke to warm sheets and a washcloth patting his face lightly. He fluttered his eyes open, seeing that Bill was the one cleaning him up. He noticed his friends were there. Stan was sitting on Bill’s desk chair next to Bill, Ben and Mike were sitting at the foot of the bed, Bill was kneeling on the floor next to Eddie, and Bev was laying beside Eddie, ribbing soft circles into his back. Eddie took a mental note of everyone that was there, noticing that there was one less person than there usually was... All of the sudden, everything came rushing back to the front of Eddie’s mind. Blood, It… RICHIE. Eddie jolted upright, wheezing slightly. Bill and Bev both put their hands gently on Eddie’s chest, softly pushing him back into the bed, which he realized was Bill’s. Eddie slowly looked around. Everyone was free of blood and sewer water. They must have taken showers after-

“Richie.” Eddie whimpered softly, nuzzling into Bev’s embrace, who was combing her long fingers through his hair, trying to provide any amount of comfort to the boy. Suddenly, he was being pulled up to join the Losers’ hug, A hug that should have felt nice, but instead felt horribly empty. 

That night, as Eddie was getting ready to go to bed on Bill’s floor with the rest of the losers, (they refused to go home) he noticed something on the floor of Bill’s open closet. It was Richie’s shirt. The stupid fucking Freese’s one that he had won at some raffle. Eddie grabbed it as gently as he could, as if just touching it could turn it to dust. He felt the Losers’ worried gaze on him, but he didn’t pay any mind to it. He held the shirt up to his nose, taking in the smell, memorizing it. It smelled like coconut shampoo, cologne that he used way too fucking much of, and just Richie. Eddie nuzzled his face into the shirt, finally letting himself break down. Some part of him was trying to say that Richie was better off now, in some place that wasn’t Derry. He had always said that he would do anything to get out of this godforsaken town, but Eddie wasn’t sure if this was what he meant. But that part was drowned out by the misery and sorrow taking over Eddie’s brain. He felt every single one of his friends crowd around him patting his shoulder, rubbing his back, and otherwise trying to offer some form of support. And while Eddie was thankful for his friends, they weren’t in any condition to console someone hurting this much. Not when they were hurting just as much. They tried to stay strong for Eddie, knowing he and Richie had something more than friendship, something special, but they simply couldn’t. So, there they were, at one in the morning, sitting on Bill’s bedroom floor in a clump, sobbing until they had no more tears to cry.

Eddie stayed home from school for a while. It wasn’t terribly hard to convince his mom that he was sick, since he just stayed in bed all day anyway, too grief-stricken to move. He knew he had to go back eventually though, and he was dreading it. Dreading seeing Richie’s empty seat in Algebra. Dreading going to lunch and not having to beep Richie every five minutes. Dreading doing everyday things without the Trashmouth by his side every step of the way. The Losers stopped by everyday to see how Eddie was doing. Once he had enough energy to get up and take a shower they started bringing him schoolwork. They had some sort of system by the time the school called Sonia Kaspbrack, telling her that her son either had to have a doctor's note or come back to school. And God, did Eddie wish she could pull something out of her ass and keep him home, even if just for another week. But alas, nothing good ever happens to Eddie, so he was forced to go back to school two weeks before Halloween. 

Going back to school was just about as shit-fuck as Eddie had expected it to be. He had a mountain of work to make up, despite the Losers doing their best to bring him everything. He broke down everytime he was in a class he was supposed to share with Richie, and with adults being the way they were in Derry, he got sent to the consular every. singe. time. And quite frankly, the consular (Ms. Keith or something? Eddie didn’t care) sucked ass. She didn’t give a fuck about Eddie crying, she just waited until he calmed himself down and sent him back to class. The only teacher that actually talked to Eddie instead of shipping him to Ms. Keith was his Geography teacher Mr. Paynn.

“Look Eddie, I know you’ve had a crappy few months, and I get it. I get feeling so sad that you don’t think you can do basic things, but you’ve just gotta wait it out, kid. I promise it gets better.” Mr. Paynn explained. Eddie just looked at him with a sad look in his eyes before wordlessly going back to his seat. He doesn’t think this is the kind of thing that just ‘gets better’. He watched his best fucking friend get stabbed in the neck by a demonic sewer clown. Sure, the others saw it too, but they didn’t have what he and Richie had. They all had someone else to be their rock. Ben and Bev had been going steady after Bev ultimately decided she was a sucker for poetry. Stan had his newfound girlfriend Patty from ‘Jew Camp’ as Richie had so lovingly put it. Bill had the new girl Audra, who he was slowly getting closer to as the school year went on. The only one of Eddie’s friends that wasn’t dating anyone (or getting there), was Mike. But Mike was so passionate about the animals he cared for on his farm that they were like family at that point. Especially their herding dog named Minnie, God Mike would probably get hit by a bus for that dog. Twice. But Eddie had no one. The only person he ever felt truly close to was Richie, and now all Eddie had left of him was a comic he had stolen years ago, His Freese’s shirt, and his glasses. He had to hide all pictures of Richie and him years ago, to avoid his mother yelling at him for hanging out with a “fairy boy”, so he didn’t dare take them out of their hiding spot in his curtains. So no, things weren’t getting better. If anything they were getting worse.

As the days went on, Eddie couldn’t seem to get a grip on reality. He skipped school as much as he possibly could, wanting to avoid any interactions (or lack thereof) with Ms. Keith. He knew that the Losers were worried about him, but there really was nothing they could do that they weren’t doing already. He saw them more than he ever did before, and while he was thankful for the constant company, he couldn’t help but feel like he was just dragging them down. They definitely weren’t over Richie’s death, not in a million years, but their wounds have scabbed over and turned into scars, where Eddie’s still looked fresh. They’ve started going to the Quarry again, allowing themselves to have some fun and just forget about reality for an hour. They always offered to bring Eddie with, but going swimming meant taking Richie’s shirt off and leaving it outside unattended, and he couldn’t do that. He started wearing Richie’s shirt when he was feeling absolutely God-awful, and then he started feeling like that all the time anyway. His mother had yelled about germs and hygiene when it came to not washing clothes, but Eddie didn’t care. He didn’t want the shirt to stop smelling like Richie. He even started using coconut shampoo and the same cologne Richie used just to keep some of that scent. Luckily the Richie scent was still there, and suddenly Eddie was grateful that he wore the stupid thing so often. 

He knew his grades in school were starting to slip, but he honestly couldn’t find it in himself to care. He didn’t see himself being around for the end of the year anyway. What was the point of being alive when the only reason you’re alive in the first place is gone? 

Now, while his mother was at work, the Losers were in his bedroom, just making small talk. Eddie was sitting on his bed, fiddling around with Richie’s glasses, remembering how big and stupid they looked on Richie’s small face. He remembered everything about Richie. The way his raven black hair would fall in his face when he was in need of a haircut. His stupid your mom jokes that Eddie had grown to yearn for. The way Richie seemed to light up a room just by walking in. He just wanted to see Richie again. That’s all Eddie wanted. He knew there was a way to do it, if all that Bible shit his mother shoved down doctors’ throats when they wouldn’t give him a prescription was true. He was growing less and less wary of the idea with every passing day. Why shouldn’t he go through with it? Sure the Losers would miss him, but they would heal, just like they did with Richie. He knew his mother would pretend to be sad, but would secretly bask in the attention. And even if the Bible shit wasn’t true, and there was no afterlife… he wouldn't feel this pain anymore. He wouldn't feel the terrible grieving loss he felt every single day. 

He couldn’t do it though. At least not yet. Not without writing about it first. It was his last resort. He had taken up writing everything and anything he thought about before even Georgie went missing. Anything he couldn’t tell his friends, he would write in his leather journal. There were other things too, like attempted poetry, sketches of a boy with black hair and glasses and a girl that looked suspiciously like Eddie… But it was mostly just him writing. Whether it be about his day, a random story that had popped up in his mind, or just scribbling his thoughts about life in general. He hadn’t written anything since Richie’s funeral. That was a day he wished he could forget. They found Richie’s body when the rest of the sewers were flushed out, but there was no way they could make him look presentable enough for an open casket funeral. So his parents did the most sensible thing; Got him some non-prescription glasses since there was no point in buying new regular ones, had him cleaned up and put in a suit with a button up hawaiin shirt under it, and had a closed casket funeral. It was a beautiful service, and Eddie was at least at peace with the fact his best friend was laid to rest in the best way possible.

Although Eddie would never admit it, he was a decent writer. The short stories he wrote were at the level of a sophomore in college, and even the poetry he dabbled in wasn’t half bad, even though he would insist Ben’s was better. But what was really shocking was the way he wrote his feelings. It was a beautiful writing style, and anyone that was reading it felt like they were there, experiencing all these things right beside Eddie. So, it’s what he did, even before everything went to shit. And it’s what he did now, writing a letter to somebody that would never see it….

He was writing a letter to Richie.

The losers were being quiet as Eddie wrote quickly in his journal, knowing that he was in the zone whenever he wrote with his eyebrows knit together. He only let a few people read what was going on in his head, and those people had been Richie, Stan, and Mike. He trusted the other Losers, sure, but they wouldn’t understand the way those three did. Mike took note that he was writing in the brown leather journal, the one he wrote in when he was really writing something that meant something to him. Not the black leather journal he left out with medication notes and random things school related that he left out for his mother to snoop through whenever he wasn’t home. 

Once Eddie seemed to have slowed down, tears starting to well up in his eyes, Stan decided it was time for a change of scenery.

“Eddie! Wanna go down to the quarry?’ He asked. Eddie looked up from his journal, about to object when Bill stepped in.

“W-we don’t h-have to go s-ss-sw-swim-swimming if you don’t w-want to.” BIll said

“Yeah! We can have a picnic or something on the grass!” Bev said, excited to see that Eddie’s eyes lit up a little at the idea.

“That sounds...fun.” Eddie said, his lips turning slightly upward. Not quite a smile, but close enough. And so, they set off for the quarry, grabbing snacks from Eddie’s kitchen and a blanket large enough for all six of them. Once they got to the quarry, Eddie’s eyes wandered for a spot to put the blanket, his eyes falling on a patch of wild white tulips. He wordlessly set off towards them, the others following with confused looks on their faces. Eddie laid the blanket next to the patch, then went to pick one of the pretty, white flowers. Mike finally spoke up, hesitant to break the moment Eddie seemed to be having.

“Whatcha got there, Eddie?’ Mike asked with the usual sunshine in his voice. When Eddie answered, his voice was soft, and actually sounded like there might be just a hint of happiness in it for the first time since Richie’s death.

“They were his favorite you know.” The losers didn’t have to ask to whom Eddie was referring, they knew. So, without another word from anyone, they sat and enjoyed their picnic basking in each others’ presence. When all the food they had stolen from Eddie’s mom was eaten, everyone was surprised when Eddie spoke up. 

“I think we should go see him.” he said with a new kind of braveness in his voice. And while the losers were shocked that Eddie wanted to go to the cemetery, they couldn’t protest. So, they got up and gathered everything they had brought with them to the quarry, setting off for the Derry City Cemetery. Before they could leave however, they each grabbed a white tulip from the patch. 

When they reached the cemetery, they all knew where to go. Five plots to the right of the gate, seven plots back. There lied Richard ‘Richie’ Wentworth Tozier. The losers sat around the plot, each of them laying their tulip where Richie’s head would be. After a moment of them just sitting in silence, reflecting on times when they were the lucky seven, Eddie spoke up, a quiver in his voice as he tried not to cry. 

“We miss you, asshole.” Eddie said in a monotone voice, trying not to cry and laugh at the same time. Everyone else seemed to have the same problem. They really did have a nice time, and their group felt more complete than it has since August, even with one of the members not technically there. They went their separate ways. Nobody seemed to notice how seriously Eddie was taking each and every goodbye. 

With the day that they had, Eddie seemed at peace with leaving. He was ready to spend the rest of eternity with his maybe-more-than best friend, and he was willing to wait for the rest of the losers to join him, Richie, and Georgie.  
Edward ‘Eddie’ Frank Kaspbrack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I died writing this lmao ANYWAY pls comment it would mean a lot.


End file.
